is deserving of whole-hearted abandonment. pursuit and dismissal. so close together.
part of my current practice (if less so plan) led me in search of the proper - appropriate and fitting - words to this. if i had known that language could LOOK like this, i think my horror of german in school would have quickly turned to something else. no: make no mistake, it is not about the wholeness of all that is one. but about the relations that exist between them. that they - as common in dictionary or thesaurus - should merely exist in list form is a cruel lie. a betrayal of their complexity. and if my rather literal mind had dared to venture beyond those lists, my encounter with language and meaning could easily have taken a different turn.
now, the thesaurus - in its animated unfolding - offers up the possibilities and exclusions of what i am searching after in those parts of my mind that speak neither german nor english yet are far from unintelligible.
thus, while making another plan for the year and the next, i am marvelling at the necessity i feel for precisely such and all the while am eying up their abandonment should plan and practice take a different turn.
the animation in time - the world of word associations that disappears as the new ones appears is lost here. also lost - while apparently given - are much of the german words, their translations and proximity to others. but... both are small losses.